Sabotage...and fat girls have more fun.

I'm not talking about Taylor Swift's kind of sabotage...I can hardly steal anyone's boyfriend in my current condition...I'm talking about 'kid sabotage'. I think kids sabotage their moms from the very beginning. Its like they say...at the point of conception...'your life is now...OVER as you know it.'

Your body becomes their's...if you are not puking your guts up, you are exhausted. Then, they pick the most uncomfortable route out of you possible.  You get stretched, ripped, cut, torn, poked, and prodded, and told it is perfectly normal to feel that much pain. THEN, what was previously a set of glorious man magnets becomes an exploding mess of baby feeders that suddenly sag pathetically to your waist when the little sabateur is done with them.  Not to mention the expansion of said waistline that, for the majority of women, never really goes back to normal....and is never-ever-ever worthy of a swim suit again. . .don't even get me started on those irritating women who just 'bounce back' to their pre-pregnant jeans within a month of delivery...I'll be taking THAT one up with the Lord at the pearly gates when I die...but I digress. (I once heard a good friend say that at a baby shower for a 'skinny mom' ...it was hilarious)

THEN, after you have become an unrecognizable mere shadow of the sexiness you were before (given you had much to begin with)...you get sabotaged in your sleeping patterns.  You no longer require 8 hours...you can easily get by on the 3 or 4 hours you have been reduced to...only you are really just half sleeping because you are paranoid the child will stop breathing if you ACTUALLY sleep. . .

For me...this happened 4 times in 6 years...remarkably I'm not a 'quadruple mess'...after 2 nothing much could be done to make it any worse anyway... So, now I have gotten 3 of them into school and just a 3 year old at home. . .and an 'extra'. They are incredibly cute, but MASTER sabateurs! Now that I am just a year away from total freedom to get some alone time back...I want to try and lose some of this weight that they all sabotaged me with in the first place.

Enter Jillian Micheals.

I was having a hard time getting motivated to work out because, as you know, I am sleep deprived lately...just want to sleep. But per Nathan's (winner of said chocolate bar by the way)suggestion, and some encouragement from facebook friends, I decided to work out and maybe get my energy up.

For the first 5 minutes of the workout, the girls decided to try the workout with me...but I nearly stepped on them both a hundred times so they decided to go behind the couch. So I buckled down and started working hard. About 10 minutes later I realized they were no longer down stairs and were completely quiet. Then I heard a 'clank' in the bathtub.  I called to them with no response, and went up the stairs to investigate. They were both buck naked in a rising tub of bubble bath, and dripping wet.

End workout.

So-- sabotage. I think its like a punishment or something. Really? I mean what did I and thousands of other women do to be given such terrible genes and told we just have to work harder to get in shape?  Maybe that's what I get for thinking that making the babies was fun....?

Consolation for all the sabotage. . . skinny girls didn't have as much fun.  Maybe I can keep it to myself at the pearly gates after all.