Trampolining

So for Christmas my husband got the kids a small trampoline with a cage of netting around it so the kids don't fall out and get hurt....Its rather gigantic for the back of my living room, but that's another issue. The reason I am writing about the trampoline now is that today, while I was cleaning the back room and vacuuming, I came upon the instruction manual.  I found it amusing that the trampoline had an instruction manual.  This is not a manual for how to assemble the trampoline, but rather instructions on how to use the trampoline.  They honestly had like 25 things you should consider when using your 'My First Lil Roo' trampoline.
First of all...the trampoline box clearly said that the trampoline was only for jumpers up to 100 lbs. Okay, so by default, that only includes kids up to the age of maybe 10 years old....if they are a super skinny waif of a 10 year old. My 9 year old is 85 lbs and he really cant jump hard on the thing.
Anyway, this being said, allow me to share with you the first rule on the trampoline instruction sheet.

1. Jumpers should not use the 'My First Lil Roo' trampoline if they have consumed alcohol or recreational drugs.

Really??....Really??....no really...Really?

Okay...so assuming the children who are using this trampoline can read because they just started school...they will be sure not to have a beer or smoke reefer before jumping.

I wish I had actually kept the manual instead of just throwing it away after reading the rest of the 'rules for jumping' so I could share them all with you verbatim. They were really really amusing. One of the rules said something like 'No jumping too high. A controlled low bounce is the safest way to jump on your 'My First Lil Roo trampoline.'
That one made me smile. What kid do you know that isn't going to try and touch the top of the 'enclosure'?
I know...they have to say those silly things for legal purposes to avoid being sued. But seriously.

Anyway, for your perusing enjoyment I am posting a picture of said trampoline.


Looks fun right? It is. Really. And it gives the kids something to do 'till I get a yard to send them out to play in. But, should you buy one of these for your 'Lil Roo' you should know that they all try to touch the top of the enclosure and they really do get out of control if they've had a few beers.

Oh, and if you have a cat...the cat will think it is a brand new scratching post...huge and glorious...just for them. You will find shreds of red and yellow styrofoam all over your entire house...and squirting the cat with water doesn't stop the cat from shredding the foam pole protectors...I think they should have put that warning in the rules. I bet I could sue...

Rainbow Brite vs The Farting Cartoons

So, as I've mentioned before, we have netflix and often download old school shows for the kids to watch.  These 3 year old girls I have here at home like to have something on in the background as they play with the Little Tykes Barnyard and the Sesame Street house. Today it is 'Rainbow Brite'. Okay, I vividly remember Rainbow Brite from my childhood, but mostly I remember the dolls...and the fact that she had a rainbowy horse.  Its like I am watching this cartoon for the first time. Maybe I am....did Rainbow Brite cartoons really get going when I was in Jr High or something? The thing I am noticing that she had some really bad bad-guys. I mean this whimpy little character is beating down Star Wars caliber villains...Giant slimy frog guys, robot aliens, a wicked witchy girl who likes belts. . . I never knew. . .and who is that shiny and bright boy that rides a robot horse? He is very sweet. And he declares how if we all work together we can keep the universe bright and beautiful...I think I believe him...he's believable...
So I think they need to make cartoons like they did in the 80's.  I think they taught us to be courageous. Today's cartoons are like one big fart and belch contest. Its like all the writers are boys now. I think girls must have written the 80's cartoons. Even Transformers....it always had a 'good vs evil' theme and the good guys win...but its serious. No sudden flurbbbing from the buns of a dog to make the kids interested....none of that.  I mean...can transformers even really flatulate? They are robots. Yet I think they managed some of that silly boy humor in the live action movies they recently created.
I wanted to blame this on the feminist movement. Something like, ''All of the women wanted man jobs...like building stuff or digging holes...just to prove they could do it. Then, suddenly the only jobs left were the girly jobs....like writing and entertaining children.  So now that we know that women are clearly better at all jobs, I say bring the women back to the cartoon writing and leave the hole digging to the boys.  Its hard to mess up digging a hole. . . and it won't directly effect our children and how well mannered they are.'' But it turns out the writers for both Rainbow Brite and Transformers were male....HOWEVER, one was French and one was Japanese.  So maybe we need more French and Japanese cartoons.  OOh...I need to look up who wrote He Man and She Ra.  . .. Its GOT to be a woman...or a French man.. . .
Alright, don't get me wrong, I mean, I can belch with the best of them....say the ABC's even...I even laugh sometimes at the farting dogs...but I would like ONE modern cartoon or kids show that doesn't rely on body functions and bathrooms to keep a kid's attention.  Seriously.
I must admit one of my favorite modern cartoons was Avatar: The Last Airbender...that cartoon was awesome...but then...I'm pretty sure it was Japanese. Hmmm. I'll have look that one up too...

What is up with house cleaning? Is there a 12 step group for that?

So...Ive decided that I either have to be totally obsessive or totally lazy with housework. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I used to make sure everything was in its place...vacuum and sweep and mop several times a day...organize closets...you know, the typical 'Monk' stuff. But then after I had a third kid and was pregnant with my fourth, I got way too obsessive about cleaning and darn near killed myself trying to keep things perfect.  I was exhausted. So I stopped doing certain things all together.
Well that didn't work either because with 4 kids, my house became a total wreck in no time. So now I want to find the middle. How much is 'too much' and how much is 'not enough'? I want my floors picked up, but this seems like an impossible and futile effort. As soon as I get the floors vacuumed or mopped, someone drags out the goldfish crackers or some sort of multi piece toy and all of my efforts are dashed in 30 seconds flat.  It is at that point in time that inevitably the doorbell rings and one of my friends 'pops by'.  I want to shout 'but I really DID just have a clean house....I'm not a total disaster always.' But really I am.  I guess I should just admit it and accept it. I could start a support group...'Messy Houses Anonymous'.  Here is what I would whine at everyone in my first group meeting....."But I just can't bring myself to follow after the kids and pick up every sock they take off randomly.... or every toy, or every snack they sneak....there is ALWAYS a mess somewhere!!"
Some of you (and yes I CAN hear you in my head all the way from here) are saying, "Just teach the kids to do chores!". To this I say, "Come here so I can knock you upside the head!" I do teach my kids to do chores...but anyone who actualy has normal kids knows that this is really a laughable idea.  They do take only about 10 minutes to clean up their own messes, but only after rolling around on the floor for three hours whining that its 'toooo haaaarrrrrdddd!'.
So either I wait till I have enough energy, or I wait till the kids decide that it is not actually going to kill them... or maim them...or give them leprosy, to clean up their messes. And heaven forbid it was someone else's mess...
So maybe its not that I won't do it...or that I'm lazy...its the waiting! I'm waiting for me or I'm waiting for them. (I'll go with that...'my house isn't messy...its a training camp for kids to learn how to clean stuff up').
I just want to know why I cant I have superhuman energy or a magic wand? I have decided that these women who have pristine houses and the same number of kids as me must clean ALL DAY LONG (and you and I know that just isn't healthy), or they secretly hire someone. Or maybe they really do have magic wands and they are just watching me from the crystal ball while chuckling to themselves at how I am failing so miserably at an impossible task....! Heh heh heh...do you like how I've demonized those of you who are actually good at keeping your house clean and a smile on your face? I think if your house is clean, you are all either mentally ill or one of the three hags in MacBeth.  If my house is actually clean (which it very rarely is) then I am surely not smiling like you clean people. Well I am after I get to sit down in it and enjoy the quiet silence....so....no, I'm not smiling. I'm likely snoring...or out shopping for something that I suddenly come up with that we must have...right now...
Maybe I just have to accept the fact that this is not a talent of mine?  Some people play piano...some people sing...some people clean their house. That just seems like a cop-out. I sound like a whiny wuss.  "Pull up your bootstraps woman! Get to work!'. . .I can hear a teeny drill sargent that is marching around on my left shoulder...
...Que the tears and hiccups. . .
Sigh.
Well. I guess I better get to it....the only way to develop a talent is to practice right? I know I'm not the only mom who thinks this way.  There I admit it. I am average....SUB par even...I accept this and I know that there must be 12 steps I can follow somewhere to change this about me. But until my kids grow up, I refuse to seek them out.

Jay vs The Cosmos...1 to Zip.

A few days ago my Jada got up early and got herself ready for the two birthday parties she was to attend later that day.  She wanted to look her very very best, so she took a shower and asked me to blow dry her hair straight.  She carefully smoothed it out and placed a headband with a bow on top...picked the perfect shoes, drew hearts and flowers on the white wrapping papered gift, and off we went.

We decided to walk because the first party was only two and a half blocks away.  Being that its January, the streets have been packed with snow and ice for weeks, but the temperatures have finally started warming and thus the streets have been melting into rivers and slush.  It turned out to be a bit of a treacherous little jaunt. We had to carefully navigate from ice patch to ice patch to avoid getting our shoes and pant bottoms soaked or muddy.  We made it to about 10 feet away from the house where the party was being held when Jada got a bit excited and hurried up ahead.  The thing is...there was this huge icy puddle in the middle of the sidewalk that she failed to notice. She ended up in the splits up to her hips in the giant muddy puddle with her carefully decorated present drowning in the water beside her.  Her beautifully straightened hair had gotten splashed only on one side, and as we walked home to get her changed, her hair turned to its natural wavy curl...but only on the right side.  When we walked in the house and shut the door she said, as she stood there dripping wet still and freezing and pathetic, "WHY TODAY!? Of all days to fall in a big puddle...TODAY!" I couldn't help but smile and giggle a little because she had worked sooooo hard to look 'super cute' for her party and there she was...so close! So close...

She did get changed and managed to make it to the party anyway and enjoyed herself, but poor Jada got stuck with the bad luck that day.  While its amusing to just watch as a spectator, I know how frustrating that is.  Fortunately for me, it seems that when things like that happen to me it is of no significant consequence on which day it occurred.  Like the time I stepped on the edge of the sidewalk while carrying the baby and fell right into the big water puddle on our non-draining new sod. . .or the time I slipped on the ice after seeing the kids' school Christmas performance and accidentally threw my 1 year old onto the street as I went down...luckily she wasn't permanently scarred in either incident, but I think it might explain why she wants to just 'walk herself' now that she is 3.  Neither of those things happened on a day when I needed things to go just right, so I don't think its just a matter of perspective and attitude.  I wonder sometimes, though, if the cosmos aligns all the stars just right as a test to see what sort of reaction we will have when it really matters to us.  I think Jada passed admirably. She brushed it off and went on to have a great day... I was impressed with the 'bounce back' despite the disappointing fall...she still smiled and laughed a little at her circumstance, which could have easily been all tears.  Way to go kid...you've got the cosmos down 1 to Zip.  

A mother's work...

So I've been trying to decide if I should go back to work. Substitute teaching in particular...it seems to be the most logical way for me to make some money while I still have one child at home.  It does, however, require finding a babysitter for the days I accept an assignment...which is easier when its just one child, but still difficult...especially  when you count the 'guilt' factor.  We 'stay-at-home-moms' have a code we live by....kids first. Right? But how do we maintain that at the cost of our own sanity or at the cost of say....groceries?  Lets face it. Most everyone these days needs a dual income. Lucky is the girl who doesn't feel the pressure or have the absolute need to at least work part time anymore.  I have been extremely lucky to have been able to stay home as long as I have, but it has not been without its sacrifices.  I definitely need to be making SOME sort of income to have any guilt free spending power, and we need me to work if we ever want to buy a house again in this century.
I have found many mothers in this same predicament. It is a tough one because we want to be there for every cute thing...every teaching moment...every question...every brilliant performance put on in our living rooms in the late morning by an aspiring 3 year old actor or actress.  Its heartbreaking to think someone else might witness that, or even ignore it...thats what we moms were made for...recognizing and enjoying those moments....and having the choice to do so..  But there is another side to each of us. The side that is just dying to get out of the isolation that comes with the 'mom' job.  We crave adult contact...we want to use our talents and contribute something to the world other than the cleaning up of cracker crumbs and smashed banana in the carpet.  We want the independence that comes with your own fiscal contributions....we want to be able to say 'sure honey, you can get that cute shirt' without having to check with the 'other half' if it will be okay or not.  And then there is the thing that is tipping the scales these days. . .we have to pay the bills and feed the kids we love so dearly.
So, recently one of my fellow stay at home moms found herself in this same predicament, and is in tears about having to go back to work.  The feeling is bitter-sweet...she gets to use her educated brain in the field she studied in college...but she has to leave her 3 year old with me.  For me it answers the question as to whether or not I will have to miss any of my youngest's 'at-home' years by going back to subbing...I am getting paid to watch an extra kid or two, and still get to see mine grow up, although I don't get to use much of my educated brain.  And, unless I am feeling particularly energetic that day, adult interaction is likely out...as well as much quiet time...but hopefully I can amp up my creativity and find ways to keep them occupied.  I am looking forward to this venture with much gratitude and a little trepidation...it will be a challenge for both moms involved.  Its funny because I'm pretty sure both husbands are quite happy with the arrangement...some of their burden just got lifted...I'm just hoping the Lord sustains the mothers' work because we might both need a little extra divine energy to get through this one.  One day, soon, this will not be a challenge, as they grow up so very fast...But for this year...the mothers' work is never done...a bit more valued, perhaps...but never done.

Strange phenomenons...

Negative 8. Thats the temperature outside. Its amazing really.  Its such a strange phenomenon how the sun is out and shining...few clouds in the sky, and it does NOT get warmer throughout the day. It completely depends on the weather front that has pushed in.  Having spent most of my life in California, this really boggles my mind. It has taken me 3 years to really figure out what to expect with the weather here.  I think to myself that if I drop the kids off at school and its -8 outside...then by the time I pick them up it will be at least Zero degrees...or like 1 degree because the sun has been out warming things up. This is simply not true. Sometimes it actually gets COLDER the longer the sun is out. It blows my mind. I am wondering if anyone can explain this to me because it makes no rational sense other than the fact that the weather girl says there's 'arctic air blowing over'. I understand that 'arctic' means 'cold', and Santa Claus and the Elves have amazing stamina to abode there...but I just don't understand why the sun doesn't warm things up...even just a little. I need a smart friend to help me with this one.

As I type, my 3 year old thinks she is secretly sneaking a hard boiled egg to eat. I think the only way to get my kids to eat some things is to tell them they can't have it. Its another amazing phenomenon...you would think that hungry children would simply eat what you give them...isn't that what good mothers everywhere have preached for years? "If they're hungry enough, they'll eat it!'' This is mostly true...and true with many children...but I have one child, who, under NO circumstances will actually eat a sandwich of any kind.  I have tried 'halving' them...making shapes out of them...giving her half as much...making different varieties..still the sandwich comes home in the tin, princess lunch box, untouched or nibbled on at best. She comes home whiny and cranky and "STARVING!!!"...Maybe if I tell her that she is no longer allowed to HAVE sandwiches, she will then start wishing she had one in her lunch...

Family pride...my cup runneth over.

I am very proud of my husband today. Yesterday he went and took a physical test for law enforcement and passed with flying colors. He was nervous because he hasn't done anything like that for so long, but I knew he had nothing to worry about.  It was good to see him beaming when he got home. Thanks to a gift card we got as a 'thank you' from the parents of 'the extras', we went out and celebrated at a local pizza joint.  What is it about a man in uniform doing heroic athletic things?
Before I forget, I want to tell you that I am still sick, but am starting to feel a bit more energy coming back. I can't wait to start working out again. I know I seem like a slacker because I haven't just dived in with Jillian, but I was sick. I have a good excuse. And I'm sticking to that...
Okay so recently we got Netflix through our Wii console...which doesnt actually work for anything else ever since our 3 year old shoved about 8 movies into it at once...but we have been downloading movies and tv shows like crazy.  It is amazing what old programs you can watch every episode of...and old movies.  I recently introduced my kids to the awesomeness that is the Karate Kid trilogy.  I forgot how good those movies actually are. My kids are now perfecting their 'crouching crane' move while trying to balance on top of their toy box.  Its amazing to me that the movies have the same effect on my kids that they had on me.  Pretty soon they will be wanting to meticulously clip a bonzai tree of their own and want one of those drum thingies to twist in perfect rhythm.
Oh yes, and they have discovered He Man and She Ra....what a wholesome little show that was. I love it. Now my girls know that they can ALWAYS raise their swords 'for the honor of greyskull'....I am so proud.

So the truth is...

Okay, I confess, I have only worked out with Jillian once. Honestly it was not as bad as I thought. She told me I could work out 5 days a week with this abs thing and still get results...so I'm taking her up on it.  I am only a little sore, and day two is today.  I think it might actually do something to help eliminate my ''ever-pregnant'' look. I bought a bathroom scale yesterday, and lets just say...at the very least it will help do something about my ''oh my heavens its like a record or something'' weight.  I think it will especially help that I put the scale in front of my refridgerator...
So I think I'm getting sick. I have post nasal drip and have to sit up to avoid choking.  Apparently eating lots of oranges is not as effective at warding off colds as I once believed. Perhaps I need to add some hot peppers to my diet and see if that helps. I heard they have more vitamin C than oranges, plus they help curb the appetite. True story. If only I had any desire to go to the store and get some.  I woke up at 4:30 this morning needing to sit up and my eyes are sort of heavy and cold. They want to close...not search for peppers at the store.
I'm saved at last tonight. I joined a Bunko group and tonight we kick off the new year. I have been dying to get out for 2 weeks now and finally will get my chance tonight. I'm just hoping I'm not too busy dying of this stupid cold to enjoy it. What is up with murphy's law working on moms? There should be a law against that law working on moms.  Its just wrong what with all the sacrifices moms make anyway, the ONE night she can get out should not be allowed to be touched! But that's okay.....I will be just fine....(do I sound like a martyr yet?) I will enjoy my girls night regardless...even if I have to chug some medicine and it knocks me out and I sleep through the whole thing. I think that might actually be bliss...hmm..I'll have to discuss this with the host.

Recovery Day

Today was supposed to be recovery day, but somehow I think 'recovery' is relative....  I woke up this morning and found my 3 year old by my side.  Upon opening her eyes, she immediately started talking...a lot. About mermaids, and Boots the monkey being a mermaid, and how I needed to go with her to watch Dora and Boots be mermaids.   After distracting her with the task of waking the kids up, which she loves to do, I got myself moving and started on the always difficult task of getting 4 kids fed, dressed, lunches made AND in lunchboxes that actually make it IN backpacks, and off to school on time.  This process takes the entire hour. . and sometimes more depending on how cooperative the kids are being on any given morning. This morning, they were all very slow and contrary because despite sending them to bed and personally turning lights out at least twice before 9 o'clock, they all managed to stay up past 10pm.  

The rest of my morning has been spent on errands and housecleaning. . .very exciting, I know.  Oh yes...and avoiding Jillian....but today is day one of the challenge, so at some point, I must take thirty minutes and allow her into my living room...I'm thinking tonight...but if I sneak a little nap in, I might squeeze her in before the kids get home. I'll let you know if i'm still speaking to her after that.

Just to report on how I felt about having 'extras' for 4 days. I must say, they were really good kids. There was no fighting and very little whining...I am glad all of the kids get along like they do, and it just felt like cousins were visiting.  Plus I just banked up some killer time from their parents on babysitting :). Haha can't complain about that!

Good Morning!

So I'm only mostly awake.  I know we made it to midnight, and drank our cider, but past 12:27am- when they all finally quieted down- its a blur. I am going to guess that is about the time I fogged out.  I vaguely remember hearing the sheriff come home (3am?), but other than that I must have slept sound. Overall, it was a successful evening of noise making and silly hat wearing....minus the oldest and the youngest....who were either asleep or too cool for school to participate.

It seems like I would have some great ideas of something I could do to get out of the house and have a little 'mom' time today...but I am coming up empty.  I am secretly wishing I had a good book to read.  I think its funny that my husband gets jealous of books. Admittedly I do get quite wrapped up in the good ones...but I think he's afraid I'm falling in love with some hero to which he could never compare. . . for instance Edward Cullen, or Harry Potter. The Harry Potter one makes me laugh because he used to call him my ''boyfriend Harry'', that I would leave him for two weeks for while I was reading. That's typically how long it took me to read one of the huge Harry Potter novels...but anyone who has actually READ Harry Potter knows how ridiculous the notion of me falling in love with him is...Harry Potter was a little kid....I do kind of wish I had Ginny Weasley's amazing red hair, but I don't think that counts.  Regardless of what he wants to believe, I think there's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition.. right? Or at least letting him believe he just might have some...
Jillian wrote me a letter today...she somehow knew I would 'over induldge' for the holidays and sent me a pep-talk for getting 'back on the weight-loss wagon'. Its like she knows me....she's watching.  I thought it was just a generic news letter that I signed up for, but it's eerily in line with the way I operate.  I think she's like Santa Claus...''she knows when you are eating, she knows when you've had cake, she know its not really Costco's fault, just exercise for goodness sake.''  I won't tell her that I got a copy of her new ''6 pack in 6 weeks'' dvd...I'm going to hold her to it though. I don't think she can turn MY abs into a 6 pack in 6 weeks...perhaps that is a good New Years challenge I will report on with my blog.  Yes...work out with Jillian everyday for 6 weeks. We'll see if she is a liar or not. I wonder what sort of recourse I might have if I don't get my 6 pack abs...I will have to ponder this....I welcome any ideas on what I can do to Jillian Micheals if I still look pregnant after six weeks of torture with her...